Big thanks to LauraLou, Chocolate Lover, and kmattso2 for their kind remarks about my whining about missing Ryan.
I had no idea there were so many people out there who have done/are doing a long distance relationship. It made me feel so much better, because it's not just me!
So I was thinking about what's made this long distance relationship functional for Ryan and I, but I really want to hear what everyone has to say about what makes a LDR work or what makes it easier, so please leave a comment and let me know, I'm always on the lookout for new tips or ideas!
SourceSo far, scheduling times to talk has been really helpful for Ryan and I. That way I can make sure I'm not busy when we talk so I'm not distracted.
Scheduling visits has helped me too, even if they are farther apart than I would like. It gives me something positive to focus on instead of negative things, like the fact that we are long distance!
We e-mail each other lots of random things, and it's always awesome to see an e-mail from him in my inbox.
Right now I'm wanting to plan a camping trip...when I go to see Ryan, his parents are nice enough to have me, and when Ryan visits me here my sister is nice enough to let him stay at our house. I'd like to have some alone time though, and camping would be a cheap way to do that. We also want to take a train to Chicago for a long weekend and look for a suit for Ryan for the wedding, but that probably won't be until after the holidays.
So what works/has worked for you? I can't wait to see what you all say!
Planning trips ahead was always something that helped me also. I had something to look forward to. Even if we didn't have tickets booked, we had our calendars marked off for the visit. I was in grad school at the time too and this helped me get organized with school related stuff so that I didn't have to worry about that when we were together.
ReplyDeleteWe also used technology to our advantage. We would use skype (can video conference for free if you have webcams), msn (often played games on there together) and whatever other tools Mr. Milk could come up with (he is clearly the tech person in this!). If you dont already have skype accounts I would highly recommend them. Many features are free and the ones you do have to pay for are cheap! Much cheaper than any phone service!
Alone time is also very important. Finding a balance between being by yourselves and socializing can be tough. I think we tended to spend 80-90% of the time we had together just on our own. We might catch a movie or dinner with friends but most of the rest of the time was ours. Most people were understanding of this.
Looking at where we are now, I think the distance helped in many ways (and of course was frustrating in others). Spending so much time just talking to each other helped us get to know one another on a deeper level I think. If issues came up we had to talk about them at some point or another - there wasn't too much room for avoidance. Missing the other person also made us realize the things we truly value in each other and what the qualities that matter are. I think I learned how to let go of the small, insignificant things, and focus more on the things that really matter. Now that we are living together this has come in useful for both of us I think. For example, I am notorious for never making the bed, which Mr. Milk hates, but doesn't ever complain about. I've made more effort to make the bed :)
I'd second everything Chocolate Lover said! I agree that planning our next visit in advance makes everything more bearable. We also take advantage of technology and use Skype and AIM to chat, even if it's just talking occasionally while we do homework. We're also both really busy, so that helps time go by fast and it also keeps our minds off of the fact that we're apart (to some extent). But, no matter what, we ALWAYS talk right before bed to say goodnight. It doesn't matter how busy we are, we go through the same routine every night. It's so comforting to hear his voice right before bed.
ReplyDeleteMore than anything, I'd say being long distance makes us that much more excited for when we're finally married and living together and can wake up next to each other every morning - It will be SO nice! I know long distance relationships really stink sometimes, but I still think they're so beneficial to a couple. Sometimes I think every couple should be long distance for a little while - You learn so much about yourself and so much about the other person. And if you are lacking communication skills, trust, or patience, you'll soon figure it out!
Hope things are going well! I'm glad we have a little group of us that are going through it together - That always makes things easier! You can email me anytime - It's lauras07@ku.edu!
Definitely talking before going to bed! If something came up and for some reason we couldn't do that, I would typically have a hard time falling asleep.
ReplyDeleteI too am glad there's a few of us experiencing similar situations. Support is great! Wish I'd thought of blog writing earlier! :)