Sunday, September 20, 2009


I never thought I would be grateful for conflict.

But every time Ryan and I disagree mightily about something and hurt one another's feelings, the resolution of that conflict makes me so proud.

We talk through things so well. We are both really good about taking time away from the situation to calm down. We e-mail each other when we know that if we spoke, it would be only in anger.

And we walk away from these conflicts with the knowledge of what we need to do to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

It gives me faith that our marriage is going to be a solid one, that conflict will not break us.

You know what struck me the most about a disagreement Ryan and I had last week? At first I was p*ssed, and then I thought out what I needed to say....and then this little voice in me panicked, and said "what if he calls off the wedding? what if he leaves?" But of course he didn't, and we worked it out and now all is well. It's a hint of what I think marriage is, the knowledge that he's not leaving because of a tiff...that's he's going to be there to work through it with me and we're going to come out on the other side of it with an improved knowledge of the other person. I have never felt that before, and it feels amazing. (on a side note, Ryan is very committed, and my moment of panic was 110% me, just a gut reaction I has nothing whatsoever to do with him).


I'm only putting this picture in because it showed up in my Google search for "conflict" and I think that's such a funny saying....hehehehe.....

So how do you and your fiance/partner/significant other/husband/wife handle conflict?

1 comment:

  1. Our one rules is that we must learn a lesson from the fighting.

    We let our tempers flare and our fights happen, but we make it a point to learn a lesson from each and every argument. After we've both calmed down we ask one another, "Let me know what I can do to make sure this doesn't happen again." Then we give each other constructive feedback and genuinely try to not to repeat our mistakes. There are times when one of us will relapse (because bad habits are hard to break) but generally we're moving forward with one another.


Hearing from you all makes my day!