Monday, October 19, 2009

Giving me Away

Do any of you watch the Duggar's "17/18/19/20 Kids and Counting" on TLC? Here's a link to their family website.

I was watching the wedding special, where the oldest Duggar child, Joshua, got married to a girl named Anna. Here's a link to their own personal website. The Duggar family are very hardcore evangelical Christians, as is the family Anna was raised in. When I was watching the wedding special, Anna's dad was explaining the meaning behind the "hand off" of him turning his daughter over the her new husband. He said that it symbolized the passing of the authority over Anna from her father to her husband.

Which is fine, if that's what you believe. I personally disagree on numerous levels, but that's just me. But my point is is that going to go down at my wedding? At the wedding Ryan and I went to last month, the bride was walked down the aisle by her father, and when they got to the altar, the pastor asked, "Who gives this woman to be married?" and her father answered, "I do." Once again, that's fine if that's how you want to do it, because in reality families are changing and that acknowledges it, in a way. But this doesn't sit well with me.

So I think whenever my dad walks me down the aisle (quick aside, I was talking to my dad a couple weeks ago and said something like "and you are walking me down the aisle, FYI," and he was touched. I guess he thought that since we are doing so many things differently that I might want to walk myself!), and we get to the altar and the officiant asks "who gives this woman to this man," I need to figure out how we're going to handle that.

It also goes without saying that the word "obey" will be entirely absent from our vows.

How are you all handling this in your weddings? Anything in the ceremony not sit well with you?


  1. I am totally with you on the "obey" issue! We have been taking some ballroom classes at our community center (will post about it soon) and I have trouble just being led!

  2. Oh! I'm in love with a line that comes from Steel Magnolias (I think). When the pastor asks "who gives this woman to this man", her mother (played by Dolly Parton) or her father (??) replies "she gives herself freely, but with out blessing." I haven't watched the movie lately, so I can't repeat if perfectly, but that response so "fits" how I feel about my and DJ's relationship.

    Because, um, yeah. My dad isn't in charge of me anymore. And through marriage I will not become DJ's ward. I'm my own person, with the ability to give myself to whoever I darn please!

  3. Edit- that should have been "she gives herself freely, but with OUR blessing". Not out.

  4. Have you seen the new episode where Anna gives birth to their baby? She does a natural birth at home and the whole time she keeps saying 'Thank you' to Josh. Weird. I love to watch that show but I don't agree on some of their practices. Women have worked hard to get to the point where we are 'mostly' (I only say mostly because I still feel we aren't quite there in society... even though I want us to be) equal with Men. I think we should celebrate that.

  5. Instead of saying "Who gives...," my brides usually choose one of these questions:
    "Who blesses and supports ____ as she comes to join in marriage with ___?" Father responds: "Her family and I," or "Her mother and I."

    "Who presents (or brings) this woman to be married to this man?"

    Or, the transfer of hands can be done without any question and the father is seated.

    Sometimes when the groom's parents walk him in and the bride's parents walk her in, I may say: "Who blesses and supports ___ and ___ as they come to join in marriage?" All 4 parents say: "We do" and are seated.

    It is rare that a bride asks me to say "who gives" these days as it denotes possession.

    Rev. Kayelily in NC

  6. oooh I like "who blesses and supports ______ as she comes to join in marriage"

    Also like this post from Cup of Jo:

    Which is similar to Courtney's comment.

    I'm considering having both of my parents walk me down the aisle. But a big part of me wants that special time with my Dad on my own hmmm decisions!

  7. You can have your dad walk you down, and before the pastor asks who gives you away, have your mom go up and stand with your dad and they can say "We do." That's more than likely what we will do, either that, or we will skip the whole "who gives her away" part. Is it really necessary anymore? Because technically, the grooms parents are giving their son away too.

    Okay, that was longer than I meant it to be, haha.

  8. We're leaning towards walking down the aisle together and holding hands, to a special song.

    Reasone 1: Its our day, we want to spend it together.

    Reason 2: I am firmly against the "giving away" deal


Hearing from you all makes my day!