I saw "Guys and Dolls" last night with my sisters and my dad at my old high school. They did a great job-it's not my favorite musical but I really enjoyed it, they are great with comedy. One of the songs is called "Marry the Man Today," and a couple lines caught my eye (um, ear?):
"Marry the man today, and change his ways tomorrow....give him your hand today, and save the fist for after...."
I think that going into a marriage with the idea that your partner is going to change for you, or going into marriage with the intent to change your partner's behavior might the worst possible mistake. I'm marrying Ryan with the knowledge that he's going to be super irritating at times (he refers to this as him being hilarious), and that he will act like a 12 year old sometimes. This is one of the things I love about him, I wouldn't want him to change that! Of course there are things that we both need to work on (me with taming my anxiety for one), but I am marrying him exactly the way he is with no expectation for major changes.
But the "save the fist for after" is funny, isn't it?
So what do you think, ladies? Are you planning on giving your man an overhaul once the rings are on, or do you think that trying to change someone is a mistake?
I think you and Ryan and me and Mr Fix It are relationship twins! The irritating and acting like a 12 year old part compared to dealing with anxiety...totally us! :)
ReplyDeleteMr Fix It always says that there is no way that either of us is going to change (or change our ways)...especially because we are older (47 and 37)...so we're pretty set in our ways.
However, I always tell him this (it comes from my faith and understanding of who Christ is and who He wants us to be):
"You don't get into a relationship or marriage expecting either person to change, that's for sure. So if you can't deal with the other as they are today, then don't marry them tomorrow. However, any person (good, bad or otherwise) should always be striving to be a better person tomorrow than they were today. God calls us to love one another unconditionally and to be helpers for one another. So while I don't expect us to change, I do hope that we will change - for the better and for each other."
One of my favorite sayings is "Jesus accepts you just as you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way." :)
I hope that puts a positive spin on the change thing :)
So weird, my mom and I were just talking about this tonight. Josh and I have been together long enough (over 4 years) to know that neither of us are changing our ways. Striving to be the best we can be? Of course. But I'm still going to be loud and sarcastic and probably a little bossy at times, and he's still going to be goofy and a dreamer and get a little too drunk every once in a while.
ReplyDeleteI not only feel that a lot of girls try to change their men, but also that a lot of girls completely turn into some one else *for* their men. I think it is a self-esteem issue. They become whatever the guy wants them to become and completely lose their sense of "self." For me, that's just as scary as expecting a guy to change for me.
mistake
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's every possible to change your man---or any person for that matter. I think that over time behaviors can adjust to live cohesively but still deep down--we stay the same.
ReplyDeleteMan I love going to my home town when the high school does the musicals. That must have been so fun.
ReplyDeleteTrying to change someone is a bad idea.
I think I probably did try and change him at the beginning but I soon realised it wasn't worth my effort and I actually loved him just the way he is. I think I'd want a refund if he suddenly starts changing after we get married.
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