Wednesday, May 19, 2010

You Can't Have it All

One dress cannot be all dresses.

Yesterday I stood in my mom's sewing room in my wedding dress while my sister Allison spent 30 minutes telling me how perfect it was. And I didn't believe her until I was driving to the fabric store later that night.

Why was I unsure about my dress, standing there in that sewing room? Because it wasn't a flowy, floating chiffon dress, and it wasn't a slinky Hollywood 30's glamour gown. It also wasn't a pert Audrey dress with a boatneck neckline, nor was it a strapless gown.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was expecting this dress to be all dresses.

It's "the most important dress," in so many ways, why wouldn't we want it to encompass everything we love or that flatters us in a dress?

But one dress cannot be all dresses. I love strapless dresses, but I also love the deep V I get in the back of my dress. I love floaty, romantic chiffon dresses, but a structured, heavy satin dress tailored to my body is beautiful too. My MeeMaw wore a satin dress and I'm glad I share that with her. I love modern lace, but no embellishments honor the minimalist/simple side of things that I love.

What I'm saying is (obtusely), decisions don't come easily to me, especially when I've had such a great deal of time to obsess and see other pretty dresses. But I made decisions when I picked out my dress, good decisions, decisions that don't mean I'll never be able to wear another strapless or lace gown again. Decisions that I am 100% OK with after realizing what my whacked out brain was doing. Because while this dress isn't absolutely everything that I love, it is a gorgeous dress that doesn't make me feel like something I'm makes me feel like me, and it gives me a shape that I've never had before. It's a dress that has many elements that I love. A dress with everything I love in it would look ridiculous.

Now I understand why some of those girls on Say Yes to the Dress buy the dress with everything on it, because they can't stand to eliminate something that they love.

Thanks Alli, you are such a trooper through all of my crazy!

Have you run up against this one-dress-as-everything dilemma?


  1. You look so gorgeous!!!! I adore your dress. And I too went back and forth about my dress. I bought it on my first trip out because I was overwhelmed by the massive group of people I brought with me. I actually hated my wedding dress buying experience so I picked one the first day just so I would never have to go through it again. Yes, seriously. But in the end, it was MY dress. It was perfect and I can't imagine wearing another wedding gown when I think about our day and look back at pictures.

  2. Wow, you look amazing! I love your dress! I ended up getting a dress that is exactly the opposite of what (I thought) I wanted and I love it. Wedding dress shopping is weird like that.

  3. You look so beautiful in your dress, but I can understand how you feel. My first dress had straps and was a satin ballgown, which is what I always envisioned for my wedding dress. But then I decided to instead go with a second dress that is a lace mermaid gown with a purple sash. It took me such a long time to make up my mind because I truly wanted to wear both of them and get to somehow “have it all” in one dress. But, like you said, it’s impossible. In the end, I’m so happy I went with the lace gown!

  4. my dear - you KNOW i have had plenty of dress issues but you are gorgeous, sophisticated, romantic and sexy all in one in that dress - thats a lot to have in one gown, do not second guess at all - it's amazing!!

  5. OH my gosh. You look absolutely stunning!! I LOVE your dress!

  6. Gorgeous, gorgeous dress! And such an insightful post - you are so right - there are many more opportunities to wear dresses with the elements we love, and it's OK that all those elements don't necessarily go together :)

  7. I adore it. You look stunning in it. It is so perfect and you will feel great in it on the day. As much as I loved my dress, it was way too much for a long wedding day!

    I love this post because you sum up exactly what I was feeling. I knew what I didn't want, but there was so much out there that I did want and you just can't get it all in one dress. It's really not fair...but I think you sum it up perfectly. :)

  8. Your dress is gorgeous :)

    I actually had the easiest time ever buying my wedding dress. It was on sale for so cheap, and it was exactly what I was looking for. I do worry that since I have a year to go before wearing it that my tastes could change, but I don't tend to change my mind about clothes or design on a yearly basis, so I think (/hope!) I'll stay happy with it :)

  9. I am notorious for my decision-making skills. As in, if you go to a restaurant with me (for example), you'd want to make sure I've been there before so I at least have the slightest idea what I want. I'm that person who has everyone else order first so I have until the last possible second to make my decision -- and even then, I second guess.

    That being said, my dress was a surprisingly easy choice. I tried it on and when I stepped out in it, I just felt . . . well, like you said, I felt like me. Once I had it, I never looked back, nor have I wanted to! Although I love details of other dresses, nothing else that I tried on came close to that feeling of being at home in something that you're wearing. I feel that if I'm going to spend hours in a formal dress being photographed more than any other day in my life, I certainly want to feel like myself!

    Anyway, I've said it here before, but your dress is lovely, and you look happy in it. :)

  10. You look beautiful in your gown! It's such a gorgeous dress! I have a touch time making decisions too, and still second guess my dress every now and then. But you are absolutely right. There will be plenty of opportunities to wear gorgeous gowns!

  11. That dress is AMAZING and you look amazing in it!

  12. omg it's gorgeous! And it fits you like a glove!!

    (and it helps that the style is similar to how mine's going to look!!)

  13. Oh it is so pretty, and you are stunning in it!

  14. Gorgeous dress!

    Yes, I definately went had many second thoughts about my dress because there are just so many gorgeous dresses out there. In the end though, I felt fantastic and that is what matters.

  15. I think that your dress is absolutely amazing!! It's so vintage glam and absolutely fabulous, seriously throw those doubts out the door!
    The funny thing is I tried on dresses with only some of the things I loved at first (because my fiance really wanted me to wear white *he thinks ivory looks dingy) it just didn't work for me and I also had the issue of finding one that fit all my criteria which was tough and then one day I found the perfect dress and I am getting everything I want in one dress.


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