A Speed Bump

I called the church we're getting married in yesterday to confirm/double check the times, as our invitations are almost done. I usually get stuck talking to their secretary, who is really nice but doesn't do much with events. Yesterday I got to talk to their official event planner, who is lovely all around and beyond nice. She verified the times, we decided on a time for the rehearsal dinner (7 p.m.), etc, etc...and then she mentioned that the pastor who's going to be marrying us had just announced that he was leaving. She was sooooo upset, and she said she had a whole list of brides to call and she didn't know what to do.

The church was the most important thing to me, just like Ryan's most important deal was the guest list, so I guess I should've been more upset than I am...but I'm not at all. The key thing is the church we're getting married in, not necessarily the pastor. It is so, so important to me that we get married in a church that reflects Ryan and I's values and beliefs, and the Unitarian Universalist church certainly does so. I feel confident that pastor of the UU church will reflect the beliefs important to both Ryan and I, so a pastor switch-up isn't a huge deal to me. Plus, the event coordinator said they have 4 other pastors who are on hand to do weddings for them, and depending on when the pastor who was going to marry us leaves, he might still be able to do it, so it might be a total non-issue. Bottom line, we will have either our pastor marry us, or we'll have the choice of other pastors who can marry us. A pastor from that church will marry us, which seems to me to be the important part.

Eliot Chapel

The biggest thing that could throw a wrench into me being OK with this is that the pastor who was/might still marry us gave us free reign with the ceremony, from start to finish it's been up to us, and we're 85% done writing it, so that would be a problem if the new pastor had their own way of doing it (not that I think they would, it's a UU wedding and they are traditionally highly personalized but still...everyone has their own way of doing things.).

The other problem I forsee if we have to switch pastors....pre-marital counseling. The pastor who was/might still marry us did not require anything that remotely resembled pre-marital counseling. Ryan is concerned that the new pastor will...very concerned. It kind of made his year that we weren't going to have to do it. Side note: In exchange for no marriage prep, we're doing dance lessons...I'll take it.

So yeah...we might be out a pastor. Ryan's more concerned about it than I am, because GOD FORBID we have to do pre-marital counseling (just kidding....kind of, he actually has really good solid reasons that he doesn't want to do it and I have looked into as well and agree with him...just don't tell him that he was right on that front, ok?). But I know that this is going to work out, I am positive of that.

Also, the event coordinator at the church said that we MIGHT be able to rent their fellowship hall for a minimal donation for the rehearsal dinner, which would be excellent news!

Any speed bumps popping up in your way lately?

Beliefnet

Source

Did you know that Beliefnet has a weddings section? This link will take you right to it. It is packed with fun stuff. They have wedding traditions from every faith you can think of listed, as well as meditations for brides and some great articles. They have sections helping you to write your own vows and offer a fabulous and loving toast.

I thought this bit was especially worthwhile. It's from an article called "Goodbye Bridezilla, Hello Wedding Goddess" by Laurie Sue Brockway. You can find the full article here. I thought it was a really neat way to look at the huge life transition that planning a wedding happens to be.

What is it that brides-to-be should be mindful of in between appointments with the caterer and dress fittings?

This is about you going from being a single woman with a boyfriend to becoming a married woman with a husband. This is about growing up and growing into the kind of commitment you once only dreamed about. It is about taking two complete and whole individuals with their greatness and their flaws and merging into a partnership that is beyond any union you have ever had in your life. It's about stepping up to the plate to say, "I do," and being ready to step up to the plate in marriage. The details of planning and the sometimes blinding stress that comes along with planning, I think, are often a diversion from the feelings related to this commitment. Fear and occasional panic are not uncommon.

What are some websites that surprised you with their wedding content?

Church Shopping

We found a church! Ryan and I visited Eliot Unitarian Chapel in St. Louis (Kirkwood area) a few Sundays ago. We went to their Sunday service, and I loved the service itself. Ryan wasn't offended by anything (this is saying a lot for him), and he really likes the building. I think it's gorgeous. I love the natural light towards the front of the church. The chapel was built in 1852. Here's what the inside looks like, from the balcony:





And here's the outside:

All pictures are courtesy of Eliot Unitarian Chapel. This was one of the easiest wedding decisions we've made so far. I loved the church so much that I will be going up for as many services as I can (it's a 1 1/2 hour drive from my hometown). I am so excited that Ryan and I are getting married in a church that reflects so many of our values. We're going to try to meet the minister the next time we're in St. Louis. The site fee is not too bad: $795 includes the use of the building and the minister's time. I met the music director on Sunday and she told us we were welcome to bring in whatever musicians we'd like.

Did you have a hard time finding a place to get married in that reflected the values of your fiance and yourself?

Church or No?

My fiance and I are not involved with any church. I've tried out several churches in my hometown, and I've come to the conclusion that I am just too liberal for the conservative part of the country that I live in. A major pro with moving is for me to find a church that I can be involved in.

The church thing hasn't been an issue, until we got engaged. Now it is an issue, as I feel pretty strongly about getting married in a church. Maybe it's silly, but I wouldn't feel married if it wasn't in a church. I believe that there is a strong spiritual element to my relationship with my fiance, and I think that should be honored in our ceremony.

I am really into religious scholarship. Learning about other religions makes me so happy. Religion is such an integral part of people's lives, and I am fascinated by the way someone's religion impacts their life, and why they believe what they believe. So even though I'm not a regular church attender, religion is a big part of my life. I'd like to get my master's in Religious Studies at some point. My Christmas present from my fiance was 2 master's level courses on DVD on "The Historical Jesus" and "The Other Gospels" taught by one of my favorite religious scholars, Dr. Bart Ehrman. I'm not only a running nerd, but a huge nerd.

Needless to say, what church we're getting married in has huge significance to me. My wonderful fiance has turned over all decisions concerning the ceremony to me, because he knows how important it is to me.

But I'm stuck. Here are my criteria:

1. There can be no insistence that Jesus is the only way to get to heaven. I think that there are plenty of different ways to reach the top of the mountain, and an infinite amount of ways to get to know God. I think that Jesus was an extraordinary man who showed us a whole new way to live. Unfortunately, this rules out pretty much every Christian church.

2. If the church isn't down with the gays, then I'm not down with the church. I (my fiance as well) feel strongly that God made gay people the way that they are, and we should treat them like human beings and not like second-class citizens. I don't want any gay people attending our wedding to feel out of place or like they don't belong there.

This basically leaves me with....the Unitarian Universalists. Here are their 7 principles:

The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

Source

They are about as liberal as it gets, and are down with the gays. Unfortunately, there is not Unitarian congregation in my hometown. So I don't know what to do!

There is one other option, but I'm unsure. My pastor from high school is really great. He was the one who told me that I needed to re-evaluate my relationship with my fiance back when we were just friends. When I attended his church with my family, he was very supportive and helpful. He's more liberal than the Lutheran church that he is a pastor for, he just isn't public about how liberal he is. I'm thinking that if I sat down with him and gave him my criteria for a wedding ceremony, that he would be fine with it. There is also a really pretty, historic Lutheran church in my hometown that he could perform the ceremony at.

So I don't know. This is the most important part of the wedding to me, and I want really want to make the right decision. There is a small Unitarian fellowship in town (they meet Sunday nights at 7, and I work quite a few weekend evenings, so I never make it). I've been thinking about contacting them about having a minister come into town to do the ceremony, but then I wouldn't have a church to get married in.

Any suggestions?