Thursday, May 24, 2012


Babies.  We're coming up against our 2 year anniversary in July and babies are on my mind.

I've gone back and forth about writing about this, but then I thought, "Hey, I can't be the ONLY one out there who has this on her mind", so why not.  I'll keep it somewhat general so it's not all "gross TMI".

I've known since I was 18 that I have fertility issues.  I had my yearly in April, and shared with my nurse practitioner Glenda that I had had a little "scare", and she said "what exactly are you waiting for?  Because it's going to be harder for you to get pregnant, and then staying pregnant might not be easy for you.  I don't want you to wait too long."

Ryan and I's initial game plan was kids by the time he's 30.  I just turned 26 in January, and Ryan turned 28 in April.  I know that fertility starts to go down for me at 30.  Glenda also reminded me that you have to take some time off of trying to get pregnant in between miscarriages, and I've been on the pill for years, so it might take a bit for things to get back in business.  So timeline wise, it's kind of scary looking.

I'm torn between wanting to wait until Ryan and I are ready and moving fast to beat out this potential fertility issue.  I know you're never ready, financially or otherwise, but I do want a honeymoon pre-baby (still haven't taken that) and I want the last bit of our student loans paid off (we are SO CLOSE!).  We're 2 years out from both.

Ryan wants to wait until he's settled career wise and until childcare and healthcare co-pays won't break our bank.  I respect that, and I pretty much agree completely.  At the same time, I feel like I'm fighting off this low level of panic, of what if we wait too long, what if you can't be a dad and I can't be a mom?  I know how much adoption costs, I know how much IVF costs, and I know there is no. way.  Baby shower invitations are starting to come in from friends, and every time I get one I wonder if in a few years getting a baby shower invitation will be really painful for me.  I wonder if seeing a pregnant belly will physically hurt me.

I know, worrying is the opposite of constructive.  And I might get knocked up no problem 24 hours after I cut off the BC.  But my biological clock is ticking and I'm scared.

I try to focus on eating well and exercising.  Since I quit smoking and started honoring my body, I've felt 10000x better.  I know that I'm doing everything I can now to facilitate a healthy pregnancy in the future.  I try to keep my eyes on that.

I am so thrilled for all of my preggo-friends out there (the last thing I want is for this to sound like I'm not!), and I can't wait to meet your little bundles of joy!  It's kind of crazy seeing friends transition into mothers, isn't it?

Anyone else have pre-baby thoughts on their mind?


  1. We "started trying" a few months before we thought we were actually "ready" and somehow it happened really fast for us. The good news is, you have 9 months or so of built-in preparation so we've been able to tackle things like our savings and our debt in this time to make us feel better about something that happened faster than we expected. What about a mini-moon alone for now? Vacations without baby aren't completely off the table after one arrives, so keep that in mind too. Grandparents are great for that :)

  2. Pre-baby thoughts are nearly implanted on my mind!!

    We'll be married two years in September. I'm 28 (29 in Nov), he's 32 (33 in Oct). We always said by the time I'm 30. Which isn't that far away. But I definitely have the itch lately. Unforunately I started a new job in February and have to give it some time first... =/

  3. Oh boy do I feel this. Fertility problems run in my family, and I often find myself weighing the relative cost of baby now versus fertility treatments later - because what good is paying off debts now if I'm going to have to spend $40k later?

    I think the hard part about being married is that there isn't a goalpost anymore to tell you when getting pregnant is okay. I'm done with school, I have a real job with health insurance, the only things between us and babies are how much we like not having babies, and well, races. And scuba diving. I keep signing up for races that mean we can't start trying until after they are over. And I really wanted to take a dive trip. And when I picture myself having a baby in less than a year, it doesn't feel quite right. So I'm waiting for it to, I guess.


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