Making me Crazy

Ryan has this side job that is driving me bat sh*t crazy.

He picked up the extra job (on top of his 40 hour + week full time job) because my hours got cut at work 6 weeks ago. My hours are back up to 40/week, but he has to see this job through. I understand that he's doing this for our future, to make sure that in this crazy economy where we'll both be job hunting in the very near future that we'll have a hefty savings in place. I understand that, and I have a lot of respect for it, because he just so happens to be right. Having those savings in place will make our lives so much easier this year. It's a long term gratification thing and not a short term one.

But this side job p*sses me off. I'm not mad at Ryan in any way - the whole situation angers me. I'm angry that my hours got cut back and that he had to do this in the first place. And I'm angry that it interferes with the limited time we have with each other.

We've reached this place of agreeing to disagree about it...he's doing it, I support why he's doing it, but I hate that he's doing it. A glimpse of marriage, maybe? Supporting him, understanding the motivation behind the action, but not agreeing?

Anonymity

If I could do this blog thing all over again (and I very might after the nuptials), I would blog anonymously.

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There is stuff I do not get into on this blog, because I have family members who occasionally stop by this little corner of the Internet. If I blogged anonymously, I would get into it. I don't know if that's a good thing - me unloading isn't pretty - but there is stuff I leave out and subjects I avoid.

I still have a (mostly) accurate journal of my wedding planning with this blog, and the friendships I have made with you wonderful readers are invaluable to me. I have no idea if those friendships would be any less/more if I blogged under a pseudonym (I cannot believe I spelled that right the first time!). I haven't spent much time considering the ethics of blogging under a pseudonym, but I don't see much wrong with it (unless you're using anonymity to really hurt someone). Maybe I need to think about it more.

This is really more of a think-it-through-as-I-type-it-out post, I suppose, but I'd love to know what you think, because I know there are some anonymous bloggers out there. So tell me, do you blog publicly or privately? Have you had to hold back on your blog? Are you glad you blog anonymously?

Vows

Thanks to Em, Bee, Mrs. B, Chocolate Lover, Alternative Bride, Buhdoop, LauraLou, and Sarah for your kind words yesterday!

I posted a while ago about the tough time I'm having in incorporating Ryan and I's different views of why we're together into our ceremony. It occurred to me a couple days ago that even though I think that Ryan and I were meant to be together, that choices still play a huge part in our relationship. I choose him every day. I could choose to be a single woman and do exactly as I please with no thought to anyone else, but I don't. Instead, I choose to be with him, I choose to make it work, I choose to put the effort in, I choose to cherish him and our relationship. I think that this would be a great thing to put in our vows.

I think that a happy medium has been found my friends!

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Are you writing your own vows?

Letters to Juliet

If you have a sec, you should go check out the trailer for this new movie, Letters to Juliet.

How good does that look-and I love Amanda Seyfried!

During the trailer some words flash up that I love...."the greatest love story ever told is your own." I love that, especially now when we have so many movies to fill our heads with what a relationship should look like.

What do you think? Will you see the movie?

I was made for you....

Writing our ceremony is harder than I thought, because Ryan feels that we chose each other while I feel like we were made for each other.




How do you incorporate both?

The Drive Home

The drive home from St. Louis on Sunday was rough.

I was about 10 miles down the road when Ryan mentioned me stopping by his work. Driving away from Ryan never feels like the right direction, and I needed coffee anyway, so I flipped the car around and swung by his work.

We visited for a while, but it inevitably came time for me to go.

So I got in the car to leave and cried almost all the way home. By the time I stopped crying, Ryan was off work and called me to brainstorm ways to get me moved to St. Louis as soon as possible. Which made me cry harder...I didn't stop until I was 15 miles from home. I had a fierce headache the next morning from all of that.

I've been applying for jobs up in St. Louis, but I'm sure everyone (especially Em, we've both got communication degrees in a tough market!) knows how long finding a new job can take. Ryan and I are hoping that I can write the scripts I write now at least part time from St. Louis and find another part-time job to supplement my income. He mentioned that we had been doing this distance thing for 3.5-4 months now. It feels like it's been 5 years.

My point is...I was never a crier before. I was the girl who cried maybe twice a year, and now I cry once a week. None of this is Ryan's fault, and I feel that by being upset about leaving every week, I make it so much harder on him. I'm just really disappointed in the way I'm handling this. Lots of people have to do long-distance for much longer periods of time than this, and they don't get to see each other every weekend like Ryan and I do. I had this image in my head of me as this strong, ass-kicking woman and I don't feel that way anymore. I feel weak, I feel like I should be able to handle all of this better than I am. I'm doing everything I can to stay busy, talk to him everyday, e-mails, etc, and I still act like a spoiled 2-year old when it comes time to say goodbye.

So I'm trying to get up to St. Louis ASAP, but until then, I have got to get it together and be a woman about this!

Sorry to be a downer, but this blog is a record of my wedding planning process, and I'd be lying to you all if I acted like it was all pretty dresses and roses.

Has your wedding planning process been tough for any particular reason?

3 Years

3 years ago today I first laid on eyes on my man.

3 years ago, at the state cross country meet in Jefferson City, Missouri, I saw this super hot guy with a clipboard with my little sister's cross country coach. I asked my mom who he was, and she said, "Oh, that's Coach Lane. He coached Alli [my other sister], too."

I had gone to dozens of Mary and Alli's meets throughout the 2 years Ryan helped coach and never once laid eyes on this kid. Weird, no? To add to the oddness, I had just quit smoking 2 weeks ago before meeting him.

Now the joke is that I never met him because I was always smoking behind the buses!

Anyway, I was checking him out all day....I'm shameless. Things weren't going so hot with my best friend (we were growing apart in really big ways), and I hadn't dated in quite a while. I tried to lock eyes with him, but he totally ignored me (he's very focused at meets....but I had no way of knowing that then).

My family and Ryan at last year's meet...it was freaking freezing!

I ended up adding him to Facebook, thinking, "what do I have to lose?" He friended me and we began an epic 3-week long message-back-and-forth deal and I finally asked him out for coffee. We ended up having lunch at a Mexican restaurant in town and talked for so long that our guacamole oxidized. A few months later we were a couple, and 3 years later, here we are.

Isn't it strange how things work out? I look back on that day and I think about how unaware I was at how much things would change and how much Ryan would change things for the better for me.

I think it's fitting that we met at a cross country meet...what can I say, we're running nerds in a big way!

So fill me in, how did you and your significant other meet?

Giving me Away

Do any of you watch the Duggar's "17/18/19/20 Kids and Counting" on TLC? Here's a link to their family website.

I was watching the wedding special, where the oldest Duggar child, Joshua, got married to a girl named Anna. Here's a link to their own personal website. The Duggar family are very hardcore evangelical Christians, as is the family Anna was raised in. When I was watching the wedding special, Anna's dad was explaining the meaning behind the "hand off" of him turning his daughter over the her new husband. He said that it symbolized the passing of the authority over Anna from her father to her husband.

Josh and Anna Duggar on their wedding day

Which is fine, if that's what you believe. I personally disagree on numerous levels, but that's just me. But my point is this....how is that going to go down at my wedding? At the wedding Ryan and I went to last month, the bride was walked down the aisle by her father, and when they got to the altar, the pastor asked, "Who gives this woman to be married?" and her father answered, "I do." Once again, that's fine if that's how you want to do it, because in reality families are changing and that acknowledges it, in a way. But this doesn't sit well with me.

So I think whenever my dad walks me down the aisle (quick aside, I was talking to my dad a couple weeks ago and said something like "and you are walking me down the aisle, FYI," and he was touched. I guess he thought that since we are doing so many things differently that I might want to walk myself!), and we get to the altar and the officiant asks "who gives this woman to this man," I need to figure out how we're going to handle that.

It also goes without saying that the word "obey" will be entirely absent from our vows.

How are you all handling this in your weddings? Anything in the ceremony not sit well with you?

Engagement

I was sorting through my *ahem* incredibly organized box o'pictures (Ok fine, it's just a white photo box from Hobby Lobby with pictures from the last 5 years thrown in) and found a CD of pictures from our trip to Boston last April (Ryan ran the marathon!). Also on the CD was the video of Ryan proposing to me, so I thought I'd throw it up here in the interest of full disclosure...and because watching it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I think that I am way lucky to have this on video, because my family wasn't there to see it....so in a way, I could make them feel like they were there.

I did a post on how Ryan proposed to me and our trip to Boston here. Maybe I'll repost it on our engage-a-versary, but for now, if you're interested, follow the link to see the whole story.

His best friend Dane took the video...the first 20-30 seconds are seemingly non-eventful, but Dane's commentary is priceless!





You can't really see it in the video, but Ryan asked me to marry him right on the start line of the Boston Marathon....after he ran the race earlier that day and PR'd. He's so talented and he ran so well that day. When asked how it felt to get down on one knee after racing 26.2 miles (!! And I think a half marathon hurts!), Ryan replied with, "it hurt."

Needless to say, it was perfect (for us at least, I'm sure non-running geeks wouldn't have been interested), and I never in a lifetime could have dreamed it up myself. Bravo handsome man!

I love hearing engagement stories....so how did your partner ask you to marry him or her?

2-Year Anniversary

So yesterday I celebrated 2 years of being a non-smoker...not 2 years with Ryan. That's in March.

But anyway, quitting smoking was the hardest freaking thing I have ever done, and as much as I enjoyed smoking (yes, it it enjoyable, don't ever try it to find out, just take my word for it), I will never, ever light up again because quitting was so hard. I took Chantix to quit, but I smoked so much (umm, a pack and a half a day...or more) that I had serious physical withdrawal symptoms. I was literally green in the face I was so nauseous for the first 48 hours. I worked in an ER at the time, and one of the docs ordered me the most potent anti-nausea meds they had...and they did not touch me. I have never felt so dreadful in my life.

Needless to say, I quit smoking 2 years and one day ago. I got the prescription for the Chantix in August of 2007, and I held on to it until October, when I started taking it and quit smoking. Oddly enough, 2 weeks after quitting smoking, I met Ryan at my little sister's state Cross Country meet. What runner (and a hardcore one at that) wants to date a heavy smoker?

Ryan "attacking" my little sister at state last year (don't worry, she's smiling!)....same place I met him. My attractive attire was due to the fact that it was so COLD!

So, I never knew 2 years ago today just how good quitting smoking was going to be for me. Yeah, I feel loads better and I'm not slowly killing myself with sweet sweet nicotine...but I met Ryan. I know for a fact he wouldn't have been attracted to me if I smoked. So quitting smoking was a huge, huge step in my path to my future husband.

Who knew, right? It's stuff like this that makes it impossible for me to believe that this was a coincidence.

By the way, I hope this doesn't offend any smokers. Ryan is a runner, and smoking does not fit in at all with his lifestyle. It's as simple as that.

Did you undertake any major life changes that led you to your future partner?

Another Good One

Ryan came up with a new face for pictures, and every time I look at this picture I die laughing.



This definitely needs to go into our photo guest book, don't you think?

Long Distance Suvival Guide

Big thanks to LauraLou, Chocolate Lover, and kmattso2 for their kind remarks about my whining about missing Ryan.

I had no idea there were so many people out there who have done/are doing a long distance relationship. It made me feel so much better, because it's not just me!

So I was thinking about what's made this long distance relationship functional for Ryan and I, but I really want to hear what everyone has to say about what makes a LDR work or what makes it easier, so please leave a comment and let me know, I'm always on the lookout for new tips or ideas!

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So far, scheduling times to talk has been really helpful for Ryan and I. That way I can make sure I'm not busy when we talk so I'm not distracted.

Scheduling visits has helped me too, even if they are farther apart than I would like. It gives me something positive to focus on instead of negative things, like the fact that we are long distance!

We e-mail each other lots of random things, and it's always awesome to see an e-mail from him in my inbox.

Right now I'm wanting to plan a camping trip...when I go to see Ryan, his parents are nice enough to have me, and when Ryan visits me here my sister is nice enough to let him stay at our house. I'd like to have some alone time though, and camping would be a cheap way to do that. We also want to take a train to Chicago for a long weekend and look for a suit for Ryan for the wedding, but that probably won't be until after the holidays.

So what works/has worked for you? I can't wait to see what you all say!

Butterflies

Ryan was down for a day and a half this past weekend, and he had his new ring on. Remember the bamboo one I told you about here?

Every time I saw that ring on his hand, I got butterflies in my stomach...I know it's exceptionally lame, but it looked so good on him, and I think it's so cool that he's wearing it now!

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What does your significant other do that puts butterflies in your stomach?

Scheduling Dilemmas

Ryan just got his schedule for the month of October. He works 6 days a week all month, which leaves us 4 Saturdays he is off....that means I will see him for 4 days in the entire month of October--if that. He's going be be working 50-60 hours a week and I will barely see him.

4 days. I don't know how I'm going to do this.

And I'm covered in a crappy case of poison ivy that itches like you wouldn't believe.

Ugh.

Long distance sucks.

Conflict

I never thought I would be grateful for conflict.

But every time Ryan and I disagree mightily about something and hurt one another's feelings, the resolution of that conflict makes me so proud.

We talk through things so well. We are both really good about taking time away from the situation to calm down. We e-mail each other when we know that if we spoke, it would be only in anger.

And we walk away from these conflicts with the knowledge of what we need to do to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

It gives me faith that our marriage is going to be a solid one, that conflict will not break us.

You know what struck me the most about a disagreement Ryan and I had last week? At first I was p*ssed, and then I thought out what I needed to say....and then this little voice in me panicked, and said "what if he calls off the wedding? what if he leaves?" But of course he didn't, and we worked it out and now all is well. It's a hint of what I think marriage is, the knowledge that he's not leaving because of a tiff...that's he's going to be there to work through it with me and we're going to come out on the other side of it with an improved knowledge of the other person. I have never felt that before, and it feels amazing. (on a side note, Ryan is very committed, and my moment of panic was 110% me, just a gut reaction I think...it has nothing whatsoever to do with him).

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I'm only putting this picture in because it showed up in my Google search for "conflict" and I think that's such a funny saying....hehehehe.....

So how do you and your fiance/partner/significant other/husband/wife handle conflict?

Getting it Together

I am so thankful for this engagement. It's giving me lots of time really adjust to not being single anymore-because I was single, for quite some time.

I dated once or twice in high school, and then in college I had lots of guy friends. I was in a sorority, but I was closer friends with the guys in Lambda Chi than my own sorority sisters. Dating was never a priority, I always did my own thing. I was always the single girl.

Ryan has been by far my longest term relationship. By the time I met him, I was totally done dating and had my life as a single woman all figured out. He threw a serious wrench into my plans to say the least!

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It's just weird to be more worried about someone else than myself. It's weird to include someone else in my life plans, to change my life plans for someone. It's totally bizarre to think of myself as a mom in the next 5 years (hopefully). For so long it was 100% all about me...not in a selfish way, but just because I had no one else to concern myself with. I think this engagement has been helpful in my transition to being part of a team, and not just on my own. I mean, I'm saving money for pretty much the first time in my life so that when Ryan and I combine finances, I have some kind of savings to bring to the table. 2 years ago, those savings would have been spent at J Crew in a heartbeat!

I don't want this to sound like I am upset I have to change my outlook, because I'm not in the least! I am so thrilled that I get to be with Ryan. It is wonderful to be in a relationship and to not have to do things on my own all the time. I just never dreamed that any of this was in the cards for me, I think. And it's only natural to take some time to get used to a new outlook.

Have you found the engagement period to be helpful in terms of transitioning?

Pre-Martial....Nothing?

When Ryan and I met with our pastor, we were told that he didn't require any sort of pre-martial counseling.

Ryan was jumping for joy! He's way excited that we don't have to do it (he's obviously not a fan). I feel like we need to do something, though.

I just don't know what. I've been googling for an online kind of deal, but I can't find a thing.

I'm not worried about Ryan and I in the least. We discussed some heavy hitting stuff before we even got engaged--like what lengths we'll go to to have a child if we can't get pregnant, how we plan on handling our finances, etc, (I posted about it a while back here) so I know there aren't any deal breakers out there that we are unaware of! I just feel like we should be doing something structured to prepare ourselves for getting hitched, especially with us doing the long distance relationship thing. I feel like we're focusing more on that than on getting married right now.

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What are you doing, pre-marital counseling-wise? Any ideas for an online or by-the-book course?

Things to Do with the People you Love

A few weekends ago Ryan was in town and we had a really fun date night! First we went out to dinner, and then we went to our favorite non-smoky bowling alley and rented a lane for an hour. It's only $15 for an hour's rental, and we got in 3 games.

First we bowled like normal people.

I actually broke 50!

Then we had a game of "crazy bowl." Every frame one of us would pick a ridiculous way to bowl.

You can't really kick it, it's more of a push with the foot.

Don't you think he's kinda doing the John Travolta Saturday Night Fever move? We had to bowl sideways between our legs on this one.

We had such a good time! Date night is great.

Do you have a regular date night? What do you like to do with your significant other?

The Foundation

Ryan and I are working to build a solid a foundation for our relationship.

He's not a big fan of counseling of any sort, so pre-marital counseling was a problem for him. He got an emphasis in counseling with his Master's degree, and he feels that counseling is someone trying to tell him what to do, and he doesn't like that. I had a really idealistic view of pre-marital counseling, and really wanted it, so this was a small bone of contention between the two of us, and one of the rare things we just couldn't compromise on. More on this later.

What does work for both of us are books. We do them at our own pace, and Ryan doesn't feel like he's being ordered around, while I feel like we're talking through things that really need to be talked through. It's a win-win! Before we got engaged, we worked through this book together:

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It's a Christian book, and it covered some faith stuff that Ryan and I just skipped. This book was kind of on the repititive side, but I think that the point is to make sure that there is consistency in the answers given. Ryan and I had already talked about quite a few things in this book, but it was still helpful. We would work through these in car rides to St. Louis when we went up to visit his family, and we also did a few of the questions at the gym when we were on side-by-side ellipticals!

Before we got engaged, this book was recommended to me by a friend:

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I really liked this book. The premise is that people need to be loved in their primary love language for them to receive love. For instance, my primary love language is words of affirmation. I feel really loved when Ryan tells me that he loves me and why, etc. If Ryan was doing things for me (acts of service), like washing my car and walking my dog, then it would be nice and I would appreciate it, but it wouldn't necessarily make me feel loved. I asked Ryan what his primary love language is, and his reply was, "I feel loved." I laughed! I still think that's funny.

Right now I'm reading this book, which is also the topic of the book discussion over at Weddingbee:

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This book is really good. I like it (and I think Ryan will like it to for the same reason), because it's based on solid research, not just opinions and conjecture. I'm only half way through it, and I'm really getting a lot out of it. There are great little exercises to do with your partner, too. Ryan and I need to start doing these, come to think of it. This book actually changed my mind about marriage counseling, as it points out that the whole point of marriage counseling is conflict resolution, and there is so much more to a strong marriage than that.

These books have given Ryan and I a way to work on our relationship and make it as good as it can be without having to do counseling, which Ryan isn't a fan of. They are definitely working so far, for us at least.

What do you do to work on your relationship with your honey?